Icarus, falling. llms.txt

The strap is gone no it is under my arm it is the feathers that are gone and if I can get my hand behind me he will be angry that I took my hand off the other wing he was angry when I did it standing on the shore and I said I had to scratch and he said then scratch before we leave which did not help because it was the strap making me itch and I should have told him that but he would have taken the whole thing apart again and we had already waited through the morning while he checked the knots with his thumbnail and made me hold still and I had never seen him hurry so little when there was so much reason to hurry though he did hurry at the end and left a little curl of wax on my wrist and it stayed there even when we were flying and I kept meaning to pull it off and show him because he would hate that he had left it there and I cannot see my wrist now I can see the water between my fingers when I spread them which means I have put my hand out again put it back keep your arms level keep me on your right was it right he said right because the sun would be behind us or was that when we turned over the boats the boats are there now much larger than boats should look from up here so I must be lower than I thought though I thought I was nearly at the water a moment ago and I am not and perhaps there is still time to turn towards him if I can find him without turning my head too far because the whole wing follows when I turn my head he said that too he had a way of saying things while doing something else so that I could never tell whether he wanted me to answer him or only remember and I remember the masts will look closer than they are I remember tell me before you are tired I remember not too near the water and not too near the sun and it was all spoken in the same voice as do not stand on the loose board and give me that piece of cord and how was I supposed to know which words I would need to keep apart from all the others though he did say the sun twice I think he said it when we left and again when I could no longer hear him and if I could no longer hear him how can I know what he said I could see his mouth moving and I was pleased that I could not hear him for a little while or I was frightened and pleased when he looked back because I had not meant him to see how far away I was and I had meant him to see or why else did I stay there after I had room to turn and come back down I can tell him I was only making room when his wing came across mine and that is true for the first part but he will ask about the rest of it and I should know the rest of it by now surely I can remember what I wanted when I kept climbing I can remember his wing below me and the sound of my own breath and a boat with a red cloth tied to it and that I stopped looking for places to put my feet because there was nowhere I could put them and for a moment that was good I think it was good it cannot only have been the moment afterward that makes me want a good moment to have happened before it and I was going to tell him about it when we landed if we landed somewhere with dry ground and time enough for him to listen before he began checking the wings again and perhaps he would have said yes of course that is how it feels because he had flown already without me when he was testing them and never said whether he liked it he only told me what had come loose and what he had to mend and I wanted to ask him if he had been afraid but he would have answered as though I were asking if it was safe and those are different things and I could ask him now if he would come nearer no do not come nearer I have lost another feather and he is leaning towards me as though I have dropped something he can catch and that will make him turn too sharply and he knows not to turn too sharply he told me and I want to shout it back to him but if I open my mouth I will call for him instead so I keep it shut and taste wax or salt or the leather I bit while he was fastening it because he needed both hands and told me to hold the end in my teeth and I thought he had forgotten I was doing it until he took it back and said thank you so quietly I nearly missed it and there is a man in the boat with the red cloth pulling at a rope and I can see the top of his head and why is he not looking up it is loud enough here that he must hear the feathers striking the water unless they make no sound and perhaps I made no sound when I laughed up there if I laughed and my father is close enough to hear me now but I cannot think of anything to say that he will understand before I pass him I only meant to come down again is that enough I did hear you I heard most of it I was going to tell you about the strap there was a moment when I thought you were below me and I could go anywhere and I did not go anywhere I only stayed there and now I cannot tell whether I was happy or only waiting for you to turn and see me and he has his elbows tucked in just as he showed me and I tuck mine in though my left arm moves without the wing and I want to tell him that part is easy and he is shouting something which may be my name or another thing to remember and the man in the boat has finally looked up and I try to look at him because my father said not to look down for too long and all I can see behind the man and around him and over the place where the boat was a moment ago is BLUE